Man Who Invented History - Opening (B. Lapin)
First off, I want to say that I am not the person who recently outraged public opinion by performing a strip tease on the steps of a nearby college dorm while loudly reciting selected passages from the Book of Revelations.
Nor for that matter am I the middle-aged gentleman who pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity in the mysterious theft and wanton destruction of 132 garden gnomes.
I am also not the same dude who is alleged to have had sexual relations with a sheep used in a local funeral home’s nativity scene. Nor the judge who was accused of surreptitiously pleasuring himself with a “penis pump” device during the course of two murder trials. Nor am I the young man who, after murdering two male lovers, disemboweled them and flushed their organs down the toilet.
I can also affirm that I am not the well-known anti-abortion activist sentenced to 18 years in prison for molesting a teenager at the home for troubled girls which he operated in Pensacola, Florida. Nor the mother who produced and sold videotapes of the repeated rape of her 9-year-old son in scenic Pompano Beach.
Furthermore, I have no connection whatsoever to the photographer whose “art project” consisted of depictions of autopsied bodies posed with inanimate objects, the Australian murderer who shot his neighbor dead because he claimed to be a woman trapped in a man’s body or the sex-starved teenager charged with raping his own mother.
Last, but not least, I wish to categorically state that I am not the individual who abducted and shamelessly murdered a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed youth with the unlikely name of Beau Bridges Hoogenboom and who to this day remains, if not unknown, then very much at large.
It is, however, with said abduction and murder that I will begin.
Nor for that matter am I the middle-aged gentleman who pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity in the mysterious theft and wanton destruction of 132 garden gnomes.
I am also not the same dude who is alleged to have had sexual relations with a sheep used in a local funeral home’s nativity scene. Nor the judge who was accused of surreptitiously pleasuring himself with a “penis pump” device during the course of two murder trials. Nor am I the young man who, after murdering two male lovers, disemboweled them and flushed their organs down the toilet.
I can also affirm that I am not the well-known anti-abortion activist sentenced to 18 years in prison for molesting a teenager at the home for troubled girls which he operated in Pensacola, Florida. Nor the mother who produced and sold videotapes of the repeated rape of her 9-year-old son in scenic Pompano Beach.
Furthermore, I have no connection whatsoever to the photographer whose “art project” consisted of depictions of autopsied bodies posed with inanimate objects, the Australian murderer who shot his neighbor dead because he claimed to be a woman trapped in a man’s body or the sex-starved teenager charged with raping his own mother.
Last, but not least, I wish to categorically state that I am not the individual who abducted and shamelessly murdered a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed youth with the unlikely name of Beau Bridges Hoogenboom and who to this day remains, if not unknown, then very much at large.
It is, however, with said abduction and murder that I will begin.
posted by LifeWriter at 6:26 PM
2 Comments:
It's like the cliff-hanger at the end of the season, so tittilating. Yummmy! (Jim)
When you really let go, your writing is like a jazz improvisation. It has, at its best, a very pure musicality.
Michael
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