Letting Go 2 (Jim)

Letting Go 2 12/08/2005

Letting go with relationships was avoiding the point. So now lets get down to the actual point of this question, namely, how do I know when I need to let go “spiritually”, and how do I do that?

I know I need to let go because there’s this unsatiable hunger, that Ty or no one else can fill. It’s unavoidable. It gnaws at me, filling me with a restlessness, a sadness, and sometime outright panic. At 40 it derailed my life utterly. Because I've acknowledged it, I'm not panicky now, but it waits impatiently. Does everyone feel this, year after year, in every moment, every day?

I scare myself. At first I thought I am called me to leave everything behind, all sustenance, all family, friends, attachments of any kind, but now I think even that is external and acts the part while still missing the objective. I feared what it would have me to do, like Mary, Moses or Paul crosses they bore. I think about Jesus’s ministry too. More important than what they did is that beneath all of them is this deep, deep intimate relationship with God. What I do then, should be naturally in sync and evolve out of the relationship. I can’t just leap-frog over the relationship to where it will lead me. That’s not letting go.

I am intrigued by a Kabalah mysticism course in town. I may take it, but if it leans toward the intellectual it won’t bring the relational connection I seek either. I move into deep relationship with God, only by doing exactly that, by moving into deep moment to moment relationship with God. I know how to do that.