Jeff - Thoughts
Jeff
Week 3
Love. Sex. Image. Relationships.
- The need for love, my need for love. Loving myself. Loving myself unconditionally as I am right now. Accepting myself unconditionally as I am right now. That’s what I want from everyone else, right? Isn’t that what we all want?
- Sex, meaning, me having sex. Gay is fine, always has been, except when people didn’t know, then I hid when I needed to. I love sex, sex with myself is great…sex with others, sometimes great, many times not.
- Image, mine and how others see me. Don’t let them see the imperfections. Keep up the act. My act changes depending on the audience. Give them what they want, what they expect. I must entertain, it’s like a responsibility. Look the part.
- Relationships…how to get them, how to get out of them. I want them until I have them, then I want out. Reluctant to commit. Can I be faithful? Stay aloof, don’t let them all the way in.
Feelings. Memories. Dreams. Running.
- How did I feel? How do I feel? How will I feel?
- Choosing memories rather than keep all…me ”forgetting” some memories out of shame or embarrassment. I get tired of remembering…who cares anyway, do I care?
- My dreams are typically set in childhood places…the house I grew up in, the town I grew up in, grandparents house, etc. Me and current friends running from my childhood home in the rain.
- Running from life to live, my life at home means work, I live on vacation. In Atlanta I work, on vacation I live.
Trust. Boundaries. Compartments. Arrogance.
- Trusting others despite my gut feelings. Intuition raises my curiosity (and sometimes suspicions), which leads me to question. I sometimes ignore my gut because I don’t always like what its telling me but the trust issues are still there. Hear the whispers.
- I’m the type of person that _____ (fill in the blank). I’m the type of person who has specific boundaries, ways to keep people out, guard myself, set limits, keeping closed, I pigeonhole myself…like I decided that ______ is just how I am and it’s permanent.
- Keeping my life in compartments, separate people from people…I had to do it because some people didn’t know me…that I was gay. I have many lives, separate containers, how much do they overlap. Some compartments are open, but never to all. Some are always closed.
- Standing tall, walking proudly, be confident, do your best. I don’t mean to intimidate or seem superior. Am I unapproachable? Am I arrogant? Is it just part of an image?
Week 3
Love. Sex. Image. Relationships.
- The need for love, my need for love. Loving myself. Loving myself unconditionally as I am right now. Accepting myself unconditionally as I am right now. That’s what I want from everyone else, right? Isn’t that what we all want?
- Sex, meaning, me having sex. Gay is fine, always has been, except when people didn’t know, then I hid when I needed to. I love sex, sex with myself is great…sex with others, sometimes great, many times not.
- Image, mine and how others see me. Don’t let them see the imperfections. Keep up the act. My act changes depending on the audience. Give them what they want, what they expect. I must entertain, it’s like a responsibility. Look the part.
- Relationships…how to get them, how to get out of them. I want them until I have them, then I want out. Reluctant to commit. Can I be faithful? Stay aloof, don’t let them all the way in.
Feelings. Memories. Dreams. Running.
- How did I feel? How do I feel? How will I feel?
- Choosing memories rather than keep all…me ”forgetting” some memories out of shame or embarrassment. I get tired of remembering…who cares anyway, do I care?
- My dreams are typically set in childhood places…the house I grew up in, the town I grew up in, grandparents house, etc. Me and current friends running from my childhood home in the rain.
- Running from life to live, my life at home means work, I live on vacation. In Atlanta I work, on vacation I live.
Trust. Boundaries. Compartments. Arrogance.
- Trusting others despite my gut feelings. Intuition raises my curiosity (and sometimes suspicions), which leads me to question. I sometimes ignore my gut because I don’t always like what its telling me but the trust issues are still there. Hear the whispers.
- I’m the type of person that _____ (fill in the blank). I’m the type of person who has specific boundaries, ways to keep people out, guard myself, set limits, keeping closed, I pigeonhole myself…like I decided that ______ is just how I am and it’s permanent.
- Keeping my life in compartments, separate people from people…I had to do it because some people didn’t know me…that I was gay. I have many lives, separate containers, how much do they overlap. Some compartments are open, but never to all. Some are always closed.
- Standing tall, walking proudly, be confident, do your best. I don’t mean to intimidate or seem superior. Am I unapproachable? Am I arrogant? Is it just part of an image?
posted by LifeWriter at 10:05 PM
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