# 5, Part C - Beginning of Formal Memoir (Jim)
Assignment 5, Part C - Formal Beginning of Memoir (Jim) 11/15/2005
I am a mystic, like the apostle Paul. Paul’s ‘death of the old self’ and ‘birth of the new’, of ‘unveiled faces’, and ‘glory’ (radiant presence), is classic mystical language. I always knew I would die young. Life beyond forty is a second life.
A mystic is a particular kind of religious personality. Mystics don’t simply believe in God, we know God! The defining core of mysticism is experiential: mystics have direct, vivid, and often frequent experiences of the sacred. The Road to Damascus, mystic experience Paul had, was the basis of his identity and of his call to be an apostle, it was the ground of his conviction.
Most of us live in an equilibrium. It’s not where we want to be but it’s home. The compromise I had with my sexual identity before forty had nearly collapsed, becoming unliveable, but I couldn’t shake it. Miserable as it became, the pendulum of change would still swing in me just so far, then come rushing back equally far to the opposite extreme. No progress was made. Body Electric was the experience that I shoved my sexual-identity balance off the cliff with. Mystic experiences however, gave me the conviction and space for the revolution in the first place, and then healed the rift within, as I found new peace with my sexuality.
There’s always been a split in me between sexuality and spirituality, where I could powerfully have one or the other present in me, but never the two together. So at peak spiritual times I was nearly void of sexuality and vice versa. Interestingly, the 2nd Reiki vision I had, which healed the rift, came in three parts, two parts of which is unfinished. First I made sexual love to self and a beloved, then I made love with all others. Finally I made love with God. The vision seems largely prophetic.
First it brought the ground, on which I torn down my sexual inhibitions, in my relationship with Ty. I also came to love myself. So Part 1 has generally come to past.
However relationships with others remains dependent, abusive and destructive, which leaves me still very much alone. I am working hard on healing the rift on this level, in many ways. Through CODA (codependent-anonymous), I am seeking intimacy and trust, in my relationships with partners, family and society. I am trying to catch up with my family, whom are way ahead of me on closing the rift. And lastly, attaining my Masters in Psychology, was also a huge step forward with society.
The third level of the rift, healed in the vision, was with God. This is probably the deepest wounded part of me, and what I most wish to heal. I’d like to be knocked from my horse and struck blind, either literally or metaphorically, for three days, till I grasp a new balance. I believe a mystic experience, yet to come, will ground my conviction here. Do I first need to shove my spiritual equilibrium balance off a cliff, though?
So I am writing of my spiritual and mystic experiences to prime the pump, as I search out ways to fulfill the third level of the prophecy. This is my journey, thus far.
I am a mystic, like the apostle Paul. Paul’s ‘death of the old self’ and ‘birth of the new’, of ‘unveiled faces’, and ‘glory’ (radiant presence), is classic mystical language. I always knew I would die young. Life beyond forty is a second life.
A mystic is a particular kind of religious personality. Mystics don’t simply believe in God, we know God! The defining core of mysticism is experiential: mystics have direct, vivid, and often frequent experiences of the sacred. The Road to Damascus, mystic experience Paul had, was the basis of his identity and of his call to be an apostle, it was the ground of his conviction.
Most of us live in an equilibrium. It’s not where we want to be but it’s home. The compromise I had with my sexual identity before forty had nearly collapsed, becoming unliveable, but I couldn’t shake it. Miserable as it became, the pendulum of change would still swing in me just so far, then come rushing back equally far to the opposite extreme. No progress was made. Body Electric was the experience that I shoved my sexual-identity balance off the cliff with. Mystic experiences however, gave me the conviction and space for the revolution in the first place, and then healed the rift within, as I found new peace with my sexuality.
There’s always been a split in me between sexuality and spirituality, where I could powerfully have one or the other present in me, but never the two together. So at peak spiritual times I was nearly void of sexuality and vice versa. Interestingly, the 2nd Reiki vision I had, which healed the rift, came in three parts, two parts of which is unfinished. First I made sexual love to self and a beloved, then I made love with all others. Finally I made love with God. The vision seems largely prophetic.
First it brought the ground, on which I torn down my sexual inhibitions, in my relationship with Ty. I also came to love myself. So Part 1 has generally come to past.
However relationships with others remains dependent, abusive and destructive, which leaves me still very much alone. I am working hard on healing the rift on this level, in many ways. Through CODA (codependent-anonymous), I am seeking intimacy and trust, in my relationships with partners, family and society. I am trying to catch up with my family, whom are way ahead of me on closing the rift. And lastly, attaining my Masters in Psychology, was also a huge step forward with society.
The third level of the rift, healed in the vision, was with God. This is probably the deepest wounded part of me, and what I most wish to heal. I’d like to be knocked from my horse and struck blind, either literally or metaphorically, for three days, till I grasp a new balance. I believe a mystic experience, yet to come, will ground my conviction here. Do I first need to shove my spiritual equilibrium balance off a cliff, though?
So I am writing of my spiritual and mystic experiences to prime the pump, as I search out ways to fulfill the third level of the prophecy. This is my journey, thus far.
posted by LifeWriter at 11:45 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home